


Now I have finally seen the end and I'm not expecting you to care

by polishollis



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Post-Mount Weather, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishollis/pseuds/polishollis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke marches to Polis with one purpose: surviving. She needs to forget, forgive and overcome a lot of obstacles to face a new life once again. Lexa keeps following her around but she doesn't want help, she just want to survive.  But maybe life should be about more than just surviving. - Title from Madness by Muse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now I have finally seen the end and I'm not expecting you to care

Clarke laughed.  
  
Clarke laughed a humorless laugh as she limped along the forest. The sun timidly shone in the spaces the trees left for it. She slumped against a tree and placed a dirty open palm against it letting her head fall down with a smirk. She felt the rage bubbling inside her but she was far too exhausted to bring herself to shout. Instead she whispered like a shy bird.  
  
"You know I have noticed already, right?" She focus her ears for any different sounds but none came. She just shook her head before picking herself up again. "Coward" She angrily spat without a single look upwards. She knew that she was still silently followed and she used the little strength she had to roll her eyes. Her blonde hair stick to her forehead due to sweat and she took a brief glance to her clothes. Torn, dirty and broken just like her. Her lips felt dry and her throat ached from screaming into the darkness as her nightmares took over her. She made the mistake of looking down once again and everything went black before she hit the ground.  
  
She blinked slowly like it had been minutes but the moon was already out in the sky. She pulled herself into a seating position groaning at her aching body. She noticed her face felt fresh and her wounds had been cleaned up and somehow bandaged. She rolled her eyes and hated herself for being so weak. Her eyes fell towards some kind of flask lying next to her body along with a few apples. She took a deep breath. Enemies' gifts were a hug from the devil but her body was betraying her. She glanced around and watched the shadow standing at a respectful distance. Back was faced to her but she knew the ears were trained on her movements.  
  
She took a gulp from the water with shaky hands trying to control the urge of drinking it like an animal. She threw caution out of the window as she picked an apple and started to hungrily bite on it. Fuck if she was going to die. Who the fucking cares? She asked herself as she swallowed with the help of water. She ate those apples in record time since it was her first meal in days. She crawled her way towards a tree and rested her back against it resting a knife against her chest. She stood with eyes open looking into the almost darkness with a maniac expression.  
  
"Lexa?" She asked towards the woods earning a faint rustling of leaves as an answer. "I will cut your _fucking_ throat if you come near me"   
  


 

* * *

  
  
Clarke walked better since her wounds had cleaned. Her head still throbbed every time she woke up but she kept her walk towards Polis without taking a single look backwards. She noticed how Lexa would slightly leave clues for her about the way whenever she slept. Not a single word was spoke in her direction. Not even the green eyes met hers or a single whisper was thrown in her direction. Clarke despised the memory of her last words but the silence was a demon.   
  
She ran her hand through her blonde hair as smiled for the first time in days when she spotted water ahead of her. She ignored the pain in her legs as she paced faster towards the river. She took a deep breath as if tasting the water from distance before throwing her jacket to the ground. She made a clumsy work of discarding her clothes until she was clad in only underwear and stepped into the water. She let her whole body fall inside it and held herself until her lungs screamed for air. She rose to the surface and watched the faint outlines of Lexa's braided hair and back as the woman sat with her back against a tree once again not facing Clarke. Clarke screamed at the feeling of something gliding along her skin and Lexa's eyes quickly shot towards her. Their eyes met for the first time in days and the green ones were filled with a desperate feeling that Clarke refused to knowledge as worry. Clarke looked down at the motion underneath her and smiled watching fishes swimming around here. She forgot completely about the woman and focused on grabbing a fish with her bare hands. She bite her lip furrowed her brow and clasped her hands around one who quickly wiggled its ways back to the water once she lifted her hands up. She spent several minutes under the sun stubbornly trying to grab the fishes before her ears noticed the repetitive sound. At distance, Lexa ran a knife along a large stick as if carving a sharp tip. She finished it with a stoic expression before lifting up. She raised her arms in a flawless position and aimed in Clarke's direction.  
  
Finally, Clarke thought chuckling darkly to herself. She closed her eyes and waited a few seconds only gaining a faint sound of something hitting the ground. She opened one eyes and glanced at the stick stuck to the ground a few steps in front of her. Lexa pointed at the stick then at the water and Clarke got it. She watched Lexa cross her arms and close her eyes with a sigh. The blonde walked towards the stick and picked it up to catch fishes. The task was less hard with the carved weapon but she was still glad of having managed to grab her own meal. She sat down in front of the fire Lexa had started without a word and watched the fishes slightly cooking.  
  
Later she walked with a cooked fished wrapped in a leaf and deposited it on the ground in front of a tree. She didn't need to glance up at Lexa sitting in the branch to know that she didn't move a single muscle. "Eat" Clarke simply said in a raspy tone for not using her voice. "Or I won't think twice about throwing that stick in your direction" She finished risking a glance towards Lexa who head her head down but a sad smile visible.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
Clarke screamed into the night as she woke up. Her terrors filled her bones and she desperately tried to breathe while trying to see things in the darkness. Her ears perked up at the sound of something gliding across the ground and sighed in relief when she saw the water flask hit the skin of her arm. She lifted herself on unstable elbows and gulped the water counting from one to ten. She closed her eyes and laid back down before pushing the flask towards the direction it came. The sound stopped abruptly and she turned her head to find Lexa laying down facing the sky a few steps away from her. She laid completely vulnerable and even in the darkness Clarke could notice the guilty expression at her face.  
  
"You shouldn't lay so exposed" Clarke said through gritted teeth. "I could easily kill you"  
  
"Do it" Lexa murmured closing her eyes. Her voice cracked and Clarke watched as a single tear slid down her cheek. Lexa hastily wiped the tear before laying on her stomach. Her head turned towards Clarke and glossy green eyes analyzed confused blue ones. They stared at each other and Clarke arched an eyebrow as Lexa slowly extended her arm in her direction. Her hand laid with a open palm towards the ground and she watched Clarke with an unreadable expression. Clarke huffed in annoyance and looked at the stars seeking comfort.  
  
"I miss them" She declared into the night knowing that Lexa was listening. She took another breath and swallowed the lump in her throat. "But I can't go back" She added and her chest heaved. Lexa watched her with pained green eyes and Clarke almost felt bad for her. The whole situation was agonizing for every single person involved. She pondered closing her eyes again but Lexa's stare was simply too attracting to ignore. She rolled into her stomach and placed her pale cheek on the ground just like Lexa and also extended her arm.  
  
Lexa double checked Clarke's move when she felt the tip of her fingertips grazing hers. She closed her eyes with a deep sigh before sadly smiling at Clarke. She watched the stoic and impenetrable Heda just being Lexa. A vulnerable woman with dark circles under her eyes, disheveled hair and pained eyes. Lexa took a bold move and slid the tip of her fingers against Clarke's in a sweet caress.   
  
"Why talking to me only now?" Clarke asked curiously.  
  
"Because I don't deserve talking to you" Lexa answered avoiding Clarke's eyes.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
Clarke woke up trembling. Her nightmares were turning less and less frightening but she still felt a pang of guilty every time she woke up. She glanced to her side but Lexa was nowhere to be found. She felt a fuzzy feeling take over her body and her limbs ached uncomfortably. Her head throbbed and her eyelids managed to drop against her will every once in a while. She knew she was sick. Was she dying?   
  
"Clarke" She heard her name being whispered above her as Lexa kneeled on the ground. She pushed herself closer but distant enough so her body wouldn't touch Clarke's. Clarke tried to push herself up and Lexa placed a firm hand behind her head to guide it up. She helped Clarke drink water and ran small circles over her back as she coughed. The brunette placed an open palm over Clarke's heart before gently pushing her to lie down again. The blonde watched with heavy eyes as Lexa wet a cloth and placed it on top of her forehead.   
  
She shivered and whimpered slightly as she tried to sit up again. She opened her eyes and glanced at Lexa who was taking off her long coat. She placed it on top of her body and straightened her back looking sternly at Clarke. "Don't move a finger. I'll return soon" She ordered in her Commander tone and Clarke rolled her eyes while weakly nodding her head. Lexa moved fast towards the woods and Clarke felt the silence enveloping her once again. The urge to sleep was too much and soon she was being waken up by Lexa.  
  
The brunette eyed her and bite her lip as if deciding where to move first. She raised her hands in the air and waited for Clarke's nod before pulling her into a sitting position. She grabbed a knife and started to slice some fruits she found into the forest. She meticulously cut them into tiny squares before offering them to Clarke who would accept with a sideways glance. She ate and drank water trying to not shiver due to the coldness she felt despite her fever.   
  
"You should just leave me to die again" Clarke said ignoring her head telling that hurting Lexa wasn't going to make her a better person or change the guilty she felt. Lexa laid her gently on the ground and watched tired blue eyes for a few seconds.  
  
"I made a decision as the commander of the twelve clans" She said with a stern tone yet her eyes remained unsure. "Now I'm here as _Alexandria Kom Tri kru_ " She whispered discarding her weapons and standing only with her long vest. "And I'm here to take care of you. Not for you to forgive me or as out of guilty but because I care" She finished sitting down next to Clarke.  
  
The blonde felt her heart beating faster at the admission but couldn't bring herself to trust Lexa. She ran shaky fingertips expecting the dirty ground beneath her but noticed that she was lying under some kind of fabric she was sure that wasn't there before. She fisted her hand over it while dueling what to say or if to say anything at all. She glanced back at Lexa once again before rolling into her side.   
  
She faintly heard Lexa's breathing as she started to fall asleep again but the cold was making her body shift uneasy. She felt Lexa hesitantly lay next to her body and she turned slightly to see Lexa facing the sky. She used her right hand to pull coat on top of her far from her body and weakly cleared her throat.   
  
Lexa war paint free eyes glanced at her with a vulnerable expression. She arched an eyebrow and Clarke nodded weakly as if wanting to finish the interaction. Lexa laid down next to her and scoot closer pondering her next action. In a bold move she slid her left arm under Clarke's head serving as a pillow for the blonde. Her other arm wrapped around Clarke's body and she felt the blonde freeze. The air seemed thicker for a second and Clarke rolled her eyes pulling Lexa closer. Lexa intertwined their hands and nuzzled her nose against Clarke's neck.  
  
Clarke sighed and pulled their joined hands closer to her chest. She could hate Lexa when her body stopped aching so much.  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  
Clarke wiped the sweat with the back of her hand and placed both hands on her hips. She had to admit that Lexa took good care of her in the past few days. Speaking of the devil, Clarke glanced towards Rikko who stood with a stoic expression next to her. She poked him in the stomach and he fought the urge to laugh.  
  
Lexa had disappeared as soon as Clarke had woken up better and Rikko had appeared. He held a letter from Lexa saying that she had things to do but he would be her companion. Like a personal guard, Clarke thought with a smile. She had to admit the grounder had grown on her. He was about her age and his dark hair was always held behind by some dark band.  
  
"Rikko" She called panting. He unceremoniously threw a water flask at her and she gulped with an appreciative sound. _"laik osir far?_ "  She tried and he smiled as she got more confident at speaking Trigedasleng. He shook his head and pointed in front of them. Clarke squinted her eyes and saw the faint outline of huge gates and smiled.  
  
 _Polis._  
  
They walked the rest of the path in silence and Clarke stopped to retrieve a few berries from the ground after Rikko inspected them. The  sun was starting to go down when they reached the wooden gates. They opened with a loud sound and Clarke gulped as the city was brought into view. It seemed like a travel to all things she had watched about the old Earth. A smile adorned her lips and she shyly made her way inside those gates.  
  
They shut with the same loud noise and Clarke watched everything around her. At her left, tents filled with everything from meat to colored vases seemed to form a market where people shouted things and bargained better prices. At her right, a large path leaded towards houses and buildings. It contrasted with all the metal and shiny surfaces she found at the Ark. The air in Polis was humid and everything felt like home. If the grounders didn't look friendly for them, they looked pretty happy and warming there. She took an unsure step and Rikko patted her on the back.  
  
"Let's go, _Skaiprisa_ " He said with a wide smile shoving her ungraciously forward. Clarke stumbled but didn't fall. She held her things closer to her chest before following Rikko around the place. He showed her the market, the villages, the statues and basically everything. He seemed proud of his city and his people. They walked over the large mud road. She watched the intricate architecture of the large building at the end of it and pointed at it with a pale index finger.  
  
" _Heda_ " Rikko simply answered and she swallowed a lump in her throat at the mention of the name. Everything inside her seemed opposite of the peace in Polis. She felt conflicted between how delicate and tough Lexa was. Her mind snapped back to reality when she heard children running and screaming. They seemed to play some hide and seek game between houses. Some kid ran behind Clarke and looked at her with wide eyes placing a finger over his mouth as if asking her to stay quiet. She laughed and busied herself at taking mental notes of the place before the kid took a run whispering mochof in her direction. Rikko stood by her side and slowly looked towards the building with an eager expression. Her body copied the movement and the vision took her breath away.   
  
Wearing a polished light armor, blue paint around her eyes and the usual carefully braided hair stood Lexa. Her eyes locked with Clarke's and she felt almost giddy at seeing Clarke. Her lips turned up in a small smile and she took away the belt that held her sword. Her hand extended it towards a bulky grounder next to her and she graciously descended the large steps of the building with her head tucked down almost shy of her position among the people. Children ran around her and begged for her attention. She ruffled one's hair and scolded another for being too reckless. Clarke watched the interaction with amused eyes. Lexa dismissed the kids with a wide smile before taking steps toward Clarke.  
  
Clarke shifted nervously and out of instinct grabbed a knife placed at her waist. Her fingers wrapped around it and Lexa held a hand up at her guards who were already moving in her direction. She shot them a look that told them better to obey her. She took steps towards Clarke and smiled faintly before light fingertips touched Clarke's hand. One by one, fingers were pulled open until the knife fell to the floor. Lexa caressed her hand before Clarke noticed she held something. A white flower. She smiled and placed it on Clarke's hair before smiling at her wide and enamored.  
  
"Welcome to Polis, _Klark_ " She all but whispered, eyes going from blue ones to her lips. She took a step closer and Clarke felt her breath hitching at the proximity. Their skins were nearly touching and Lexa looked at her with such intensity that Clarke felt her knees go weak. The fingers that once brushed her hair slid towards her neck pulling her closer until she felt Lexa's lips over her cheek. "We have been waiting for you" Lexa said cocking her head to the side.   
  
  


* * *

 

  
A week had passed by and Clarke was soon making friends. Or at least she could call them that. She met Echo and they had a rough start but they bonded over the fact they both knew Bellamy. Echo had showed an interest in seeing Bellamy again, 'if he wished to' she completed in a embarrassed tone and Clarke was fond of the girl. She saw Indra earlier that day and the warrior seemed impressed despite her harsh expression. She glanced at Clarke once again before walking without a word. She stormed towards Lexa's home and Clarke felt the tension thicker in the air.  
  
She straightened her spine and asked for the grounder woman in front of her to speak slowly. The woman repeated in a slower tone and Clarke smiled before replying in the best Trigedasleng she could manage. She was buying things to paint, it was an important day at Polis. It was some kind of party to celebrate peace and people would make gifts to the Commander.   
  
Not that Clarke cared about Lexa.  
  
Clarke did not care about Lexa stupid green eyes or how she would have a couple of whatever-its-name calming leaves that she would make tea to prevent anxiety. Or how she would sneak up into Clarke's room during the night to give her water when she woke up sweating due her nightmares. She didn't.  
  
She purchased the items and left with a nod and a small smile. She entered her small house and waved at Rikko who seemed to be engrossed in some sort of game with Echo. Clarke grabbed an apple and entered her room softly shutting the door behind her. She took out the paint frame she bought earlier (or something that resembled it) and look out at her sketch of Polis. She ran a light finger over it and glanced at the paints she bought. Her eyes focused at the green one and she took a deep breath. That green color was stuck at the back of her mind and she couldn't hold back anymore. She painted, painted and painted until her back ached and her fingers felt numb.  
  
She rested her back against the wall and ran stained hands along her hair. She stared at her painting before shaking her head and leaving it to rest. She aggressively bite at her apple before deciding to bath. She put a blue tunic Echo had given her and some black pants she bought at the mall. She braided her hair and walked outside to see Rikko wearing blue painting on his face along with his usual dark clothes.  
  
"What does the blue means?" She asked pointing at his face. She was used to the dark war paint and had only seen the blue paint once.  
  
"Hope" He answered tugging her towards the busy street. She smiled wide and blamed Lexa for all those hidden meaning and small things. She picked a white flower and placed at her hair like Lexa had done when she first came to Polis. She joined the crowd as they played any kind of instruments she could think about. Barefoot grounders danced while others enjoyed a large meal obviously provided by the Heda. Clarke scanned the crowd and found    the woman she had been working for. Nothing big but she painted a lot. Vases, frames, all sorts of decorations.   
  
The woman glanced at her and mouthed _Skyprisa_ while raising her cup. Clarke laughed and also raised her cup. Rikko brought her a handful of berries and stuffed her mouth with them before she sees her. She barely managed to swallow the berries as she took in Lexa. The Heda wore a green top that left her abs exposed along with brown skirt that reached her ankles. She was all barefoot, blue paint and wild hair as she swirled along with the grounders. She grabbed her skirt and danced and laughed and it was too much for Clarke. She leaned against Rikko watching Lexa spin around throwing her head back shouting repeatedly something Clarke thought that meant prosperity. She was caught staring and Lexa winked at her with a large smile. Echo looked at Lexa with such gratitude that Clarke asked herself if the Azgeda woman was going to cry.  
  
People around her joined Lexa's chanting and the drums seemed to get louder and louder. Clarke thought that for the first time she understood why Lexa did what she did. She thought of her own people and sadness took upon her. She squeezed Rikko's arm and clicked her cup with his before taking a last gulp. She muttered in his ear that she wanted to rest and left. The laughs were dying in her ear as she walked along the path. She smiled hearing the sounds that could easily be mistaken if they weren't Lexa's.  
  
"Come" Clarke instructed without looking behind. She entered her house and left the door half open soon hearing it being shut by Lexa. She walked inside her room and opened the window to be engulfed by the sound of people laughing and dancing. She reached under her bed and took out her painting. "My gift for the Heda" She said with a smile as Lexa walked inside the room. She watched the green eyes gain a fond expression as the brunette took in Clarke's painting of herself playing with a child.  
  
"You have a good memory" Lexa commented and Clarke blushed being caught on obsessing over such an ordinary memory. She watched as Lexa prevented herself from touching the gift afraid of ruining it. She watched as Clarke took steps towards the window. "Why are you here?"  
  
"Maybe I just wanted to be alone" Clarke said with a smile.  
  
"Dance with me" Lexa blurted out and Clarke's eyebrow shot up. "It's a celebration, dance with me?" Lexa asked this time extending her arm towards Clarke who took with an unsure hand. Lexa brought their bodies closer and swayed then lightly contrasting the hard beat of the drums outside. Their bodies melted against each other and Clarke felt peace listening to the Commander's breath over her ear.  
  
The sun set with the pair swaying in each other's arm and Clark felt something.  
  
 _Hope._   
  


 

* * *

  
  
Clarke had realized that the grounders were very attentive and liked to learn just like they wanted to share. She was now part of the community of healers constantly learning about plants and medicines. She found herself every sunset sitting at a wooden chair explaining things like what was a tv and how a microwave worked. She rolled her eyes knowing that Raven would be so much better at answering mechanical stuff but she was glad to be sharing her knowledge with the people that were constantly helping her out.  
  
"You can drawn" A girl once said and Clarke beamed. "Can you teach us?"  
  
And that's how her Sky knowledge classes turned into art classes to any grounder that was interested. She knew Lexa approved since she sent the material they would need but she didn't expect the woman to show up at one of her classes. She was just teaching a grounder half of her size how to glide his paintbrush more graciously along a wall when she noticed Lexa's smirk.   
  
Lexa's smirk.  
  
It sent shivers to all wrong parts of Clarke's body. Or maybe they were just damn right. Lexa watched her without a single word as they painted a whole scene in one of houses' wall. They finished and Clarke was proud of their job. She wiped her hands in a cloth and watched Lexa appear with a strange expression. "Can we talk?" She asked motioning for the blonde to follow her and Clarke nodded. They reached the enormous building and Clarke bowed to the guards. They remained stoic but once Lexa passed them they gave her smiles. Lexa walked her towards a large room and closed the door leaving them alone. She walked towards her throne and sat down with a sigh.  
  
"What, _Heda_?" Clarke asked trying to seek comfort in her tone just like Lexa was seeking in her throne.  
  
"I think you are ready to know" Lexa asked standing again. She glanced at Clarke with unsure eyes before walking towards a large table at the other side of the room. She asked for Clarke to join her and cleared her throat. Clarke arched an eyebrow as a thousand of scenarios ran through her mind.   
  
"What happened at the Mountain, it was a Commander decision but that doesn't mean I do not care, Clarke" Lexa started and Clarke felt the urge to sit down. She felt nauseous thinking of that night again. "I took another decision behind your back and I hope you forgive me for this one" She added and Clarke felt anger rising through her veins. Lexa had betrayed her again. "I thought that you wandering along the forest would frighten your people-" Lexa had betrayed her again. "-while I personally guarded you and I made-"Lexa had betrayed her again.  
  
 _Lexa had betrayed her again._  
  
" _Klark_ " Lexa called with an annoyed expression sensing that Clarke wasn't listening to a single word.  
  
"No!" Clarke yelled slamming her hands on top of the table. "I don't want to fucking hear you"  
  
"But you will" Lexa replied without raising her voice. She slid the papers in front of her towards Clarke and the blonde glanced at them. Letters. "I took the decision of warning your mother about your well being since I found you in the woods"  
  
 _Abby,_  
 _I inform that Clarke (...)_  
  
"As well I have been making arrangements to provide them in what they can't make for themselves and as much as they hate me, your mother was glad I took care of you"   
  
_Heda,_  
 _I appreciate(...)_  
  
"She still not trust me but I guess it was her only option"  
  
( _...) I miss my daughter,_  
 _Abby._  
  
Clarke's eyes were filled with tears and she sobbed as she pressed the letters into her chest. Lexa had talked to her mother. Lexa had betrayed her and had helped Sky people to not starve to death.   
  
"As much as I know they won't ever want to be into a traitor's home, they are welcome" Lexa finished letting the awkward silence fill the air as Clarke ran her eyes over the letters. Abby. Bellamy. Octavia. Raven. Lexa would assure them of everything in details and tell them she would talk to Clarke when the blonde was ready.  
  
Lexa was looking out for her.  
  
Her heart beat like crazy and Clarke locked eyes with Lexa. Lexa looked like she was in a verge of tears. Clarke laughed and smile at her while reaching for her hand. She pulled the Commander into a tight hug and sobbed into her arms. Lexa wrapped her arms around her and pulled her closer. "Thank you" She whispered against Lexa's cheek. The brunette had been speaking for Clarke when her heart wouldn't let her.   
  
"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner" Lexa said parting their embrace and wiping Clarke's tears. Her left thumb caressed Clarke's bottom lip. "I just wanted to make sure you were ready for this" Lexa added taking a step towards Clarke. Then another. Then another. Until Clarke's back softly hit the table. "Your mother's last letter came today and I knew that you should be the one answering it" Lexa said locking her eyes with Clarke's once again. She nuzzled Clarke's nose with hers letting herself breathe the same air as the blonde. Her hands slid down until they reached her hips and she pressed their bodies closer together. Their lips brushed but Lexa quickly placed her lips in a lingering kiss on Clarke's cheek. She stared at the blonde for a few seconds before taking her steps backwards.  
  
"Answer your mother" she said pointing at the supplies at the table. "I'll be here if you need" she said sitting at the throne with a smile.  
  
 _Mom,_  
 _I love you._  
 _Clarke._   
  


 

* * *

  
  


Lexa had left in the morning for a meeting between clans and Clark was not amused to find out about rebels trying to hurt people during it. She was also not amused not find out that Lexa had risked her life to protect children ending up with bruised ribs and a deep cut over her side. She gathered her healing supplies and made her way towards Lexa's house with her heart beating like crazy as soon as she found out the Commander had arrived. She burst into the doors ignoring the warning looks the guards sent her as she asked where Lexa's room was.  
  
"Go home, Clarke" Indra commanded from the top of the stairs. She watched Clarke with a harsh expression eying the bag in Clarke's hand. "We already have healer inside" She answered coldly and Clarke kept walking ignoring Indra pulling out her sword.  
  
"I need to see her" Clarke gritted through her teeth and tried to pass past Indra who shoved her into the wall and pressed the blade over her neck. She kept a firm grip but light enough to not draw blood. "Let me see her" Clarke asked in a broken tone and Indra took a deep breath before shouting something in Trigedasleng. The door opened and the healer nodded at Clarke telling her that he barely started with Lexa.   
  
She walked inside the room and found Lexa laying on her back murmuring in pain. She took a deep breath and grabbed her supplies to clean better the wounds. She meticulously cleaned them and held Lexa's hand before whispering that she would need stitches. "You can't just go around ordering yourself inside my room" Lexa muttered weakly and Clarke snorted.  
  
" _Shof op_ " Clarke said staring at Lexa who had her eyes wide open. "Are you _fucking_ crazy?" Clarke angrily whispered. "You can't risk your life like this" She gestured to the wound she could only hope didn't get infections.   
  
" _Klark_ " Lexa tried but the blonde only shook her head. Despite her anger, her hands were gentle while making the stitches. Her blue eyes stopped being a sky of angry when Lexa hissed in pain. She made her best work on the wound before placing some medicine and covering with a light piece of fabric. She stood up and ran shaky hands over her blonde hair.  
  
"Any other cuts I should know about?" She asked in a sarcastic tone crossing her arms and looking sternly at the leader in front of her. "Now tell me something" She asked placing a cup of water in front of Lexa's lips. The woman gulped it slowly and Clarke waited until she finished to place the cup on top of a table. "What do I do without you?"   
  
"People here adore you, you never needed my protection" Lexa answered with dropping eyelids that shot open when Clarke started laughing a humorless laugh. She saw the blonde shaking her head repeatedly while approaching her.   
  
"What I meant was" She said carefully straddling Lexa's hips checking for any bruised spots she could accidentally touch. Her hands supported her weight as she hovered over Lexa. "What do I do without _you_?" She asked against Lexa's lips making the brunette shiver. She leaned in for a kiss but Lexa turned her head making Clarke's lips hit her cheek.  
  
"It's not fair" Lexa said in a hushed tone watching the blonde on top of her. "I don't want a kiss for pity"  
  
"And I don't want you to make me fall in love with you all over again just to die with a fucking cut across your torso!" Clarked yelled and Lexa closed her eyes at the volume. She reopened her eyes when registering the words and reached for Clarke's hips with a shaky hand. She closed her eyes feeling Clarke's lip over her neck in light kisses that set her body on fire. The blonde's lips travelled until they reached her jaw where they gently nipped at the skin. "As soon as you get better, I am going back to the camp" She whispered pressing a kiss in the corner of Lexa's mouth. She stood up once again and made her way towards the door shooting Lexa one last look before disappearing. 

 

* * *

  
  
Clarke woke up during the night and smiled noticing that it was the fourth night she woke up without nightmares. It was a victory to her and she felt hopeful. She walked barefooted towards her kitchen grabbing a piece of bread and some juice made of a fruit she didn't really learned the name. She opened her window and sat on its frame placing the two cups she grabbed on top of it.  
  
"Stop doing that" She whispered loud enough for Lexa to hear at the other room. The brunette seemed embarrassed but took out the cloak covering her head. Clarke wordlessly offered the cup to Lexa who took with both hands and a small smile.  
  
"When are you going?" Lexa asked and Clarke laughed. She knew Lexa knew the answer. _Heda knows everything,_ they said.  
  
"Today" Clarke answered with a shrug. Everything was set to her departure. Rikko was going with her, her mother had been informed and some grounders had helped her draw a map during the week. She had picked food she could carry, water and slightly made a turn in her route so they would pass by the river. Lexa nodded with a furrowed brow before finishing her cup and asking Clarke for hers as she finished. The brunette walked towards the kitchen and came back empty hands to stare into Clarke's eyes.   
  
"You are always welcome in-"  
  
"In Polis, I know" Clarke finished with a sigh. "I should go check some things" She said brushing Lexa's shoulder with hers. The door shut slowly as Lexa pressed an open palm over it. Clarke stared at the wooden surface and took a deep breath ignoring how close Lexa's body was.  
  
"You are always welcome in my home" Lexa said in a sweet whisper. Her free hand turned Clarke around delicately before wrapping itself around the blonde's cheek. "You are always welcome in my heart" She whispered with such vulnerability that Clarke was afraid she was going to break. Their eyes locked and Clarke fought the urge to avoid those piercing green eyes.   
  
"Lexa" She whispered and the brunette just shook her head before locking the fingers with Clarke's. She slid their joined hands until they rested in a loose grip on top of Clarke's head. Lexa pressed her body closer to Clarke's exhaling loudly at the warm feeling. She took in every inch of Clarke's face and tilted her head to touch the pale neck with her nose. She caressed the skin slowly as if savoring Clarke's scent. She inhaled deeply making the blonde shiver.  
  
"If you wish to stay there, it's your choice" Lexa stated while running her lips over Clarke's ear. She traced her tongue slightly over the earlobe before taking it into her mouth giving it a light bite. "But I won't hide that I want you to return" Lexa slid her hands along Clarke's body shivering at feeling of soft skin under her fingertips. Her hands found its way inside blonde strands and she pulled Clarke's bottom lip between her teeth. She caressed the flesh with her tongue before sucking on it. Clarke stood with closed eyes completely melting under her touch. "May I kiss you, _Klark_?" Lexa asked with a smile and Clarke nodded.  
  
Her hands pulled Clarke's face closer as she touched their lips. The touch was light but the feeling was consuming. Their lips slid against each other and Lexa felt Clarke's hand grab the material of her vest to pull her closer. Lexa's hands pulled at her thighs and she slowly brought Clarke up pressing her against the door. She held her with firm hands around her thighs and tilted her head to deepen the kiss. Their tongues met and Lexa moaned into Clarke's mouth. Her finger carefully squeezed Clarke's thighs as she surrendered completely to Clarke's dominance over the kiss. Clarke nipped at her lips, pulled at her hair and grind against her hips. She felt the need for air and parted with a moan. She walked Clarke towards the bed and placed her on top of it. She laid her body fully over Clarke's and watched in awe as the blonde breathed heavily.  
  
Clarke smiled at her and grabbed the back of her neck bringing her for another kiss. Their lips met in a kiss full of desire and Lexa was fighting hard against the urge to do something more. She wanted Clarke. She wanted Clarke so much she was burning inside out. Clarke raised one of her hands and pulled Lexa's leg to rest between her own. Her fingertips travelled from the back of Lexa's legs to her hips where she pulled with strength towards herself. She placed kisses along Lexa's jaw while pulling the woman to grind on her. She moaned against the skin sliding her open palm towards Lexa ass to bring her closer.   
  
"Clarke, I-"  
  
"Don't fight it, Lexa" The blonde whispered watching the conflicted emotions in Lexa's eyes. She ran her hands over Lexa's unbraided hair feeling its wild curls under her fingers. " _Hodnes laik uf_ " Lexa's lunged forward after Clarke said that statement in such raspy tone. Her hands gripped at the blonde's waist and she grind slow but hard against her. She kissed her like it was the first and the very last time. She heard Clarke moaning against her lips and sweating under her fingertips but nothing seemed enough. She was about to slid her hands further under Clarke's shirt when someone knocked at the door.   
  
"Clarke?" Echo's voice sounded at the other side of the door. Clarke groaned in response and the grounder seemed oblivious to what was happening inside the room. "Can we speak?" Clarke muttered something back and Echo said she was going to wait outside. Lexa smiled at her and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. She pressed Clarke's palm over her beating heart and looked at her.  
  
"My heart is with you." Lexa whispered with a last touch pulling her cloak over her head and exiting from the window.    
  


**Author's Note:**

> So I guess I couldn't resist the urge to write another one!  
> I hope you guys like it and that I'm actually able to finish part 2 soon.  
> About Trigedasleng: I have no fucking idea what I was trying with that but forgive my almost nonexistence knowledge on that.  
> So, hit me with your best shot.  
> on tumblr: ev-maslany.  
> Thank you for all the support!


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